oh here i am again, getting ready to get this post done and i promise it would be a short one. I just got nothing to do today that i kept on listening to Evan and Jarod's The Distance over and over again for the Nth time. I really like the song for its simplicity, and the lyrics. The words really match the feelings I have today. I miss a lot of people who really matters to me. I haven't recovered yet from a less than a month stay vacation in the Philippines. Memories are still very fresh and they keep on playing over and over again. Sometimes, I can feel that I am crying while sleeping. When I wake up, I close my eyes for a minute and wished that when i will open my eyes I'll see the familiar faces, but then again I am disappointed. I always see this very boring ceiling. Sigh! I long for the smiles and laughter, the food ,the weather, the friends and family and everything that serves my memory right. Distance is the thing i hate today. It just hurts so bad that I am here while my thoughts are everywhere. I need to recover from this homesickness... I misssssssssssss them all.I miss them....allllll... If there is a word that describes it, then that is what i am feeling..
So that I wouldn't get bored, I went into a cleaning marathon spree....I just cleaned the entire flat, brushed the sink, mopped the floor, cleand the dishes, washed the clothes and a lot more.I got tired, felt dizzy so i decided to have a break. I also watched smallville, greys anatomy and supernatural. It helped me for a while but when i sat down and took a look at my laptop, i saw some pictures, everything went back again. Like flashes of memories playing the tune on my mind randomly. All I know is that i miss them and i love them soooo much and waiting for next year will be a long wait. I am not being impatient but it is soooooooo long to count. But I need to focus and motivate myself.... I need to tell myself it wouldn't be long...I will see them all again... again...at the right time. sigh...
To remind myself of how important it is to value such memories, i decided to post this short blog. This is to remind me that today, May 16, I am lonely and I badly wished I am in Cebu, be with the people I love.
This post is dedicated to several wonderful persons. my bestfriends Kathy, to my family lola, bajep,kent eloisa, to my cousins,aunts and uncles, to my new family, the agudera family, to Meme, Dadad, Gwendy, Fitz, Tiya, Manoy and etc, to my ate Lore, te anj and baby gee of course, to the batos, Nikki, Kenji, Tiklah, Blants. I want to thank you for the memories we've shared. It keeps me alive and inspire me to do more good to the world. I hope by my simple act of kindness, I was able to impart a part of INETH to you. I love you and missing you terribly. I will be okay soon...Time will heal me...
Sunday, May 17, 2009
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Hurt
Hurt is the pain that eats away my heart and makes me see the real world through a filter of truth. The truth blinded by unseen obstacles of deception and greed. Hurt is being a part of something that forgets you. You forget yourself for others because of fear. Hurt is being taken for granted by a friend. Hurt is being afraid of the person you thought you could trust, you gave your heart and they break it into pieces. Hurt is having to wonder what might have been if pride didn't win. Hurt is betrayal and jealousy studded with doubt and fear of loosing. Hurt is seeing your face on a mirror in pain. Hurt is misplacing your trust. It is unreliable love and the absence of love, the confusion about whether or not love really exists.
It is constantly feeling inadequate even when you know you're more deserving and you are blamed for something you didn't do. Hurt is knowing that your best isn't good enough and knowing that you have more than you really need and knowing that you wouldn't feel better even if you gave it all away. Hurt is the harsh word in response to a friendly gesture, the failure to acknowledge a favor, the injustice that goes unnoticed. Hurt is the inability to communicate. HUrt is being a puppet to someone who controls everything you have. Hurt is not being able to defend oneself, it is mute, not being able to say what really hurts. Hurt is staying at some point you wished it never existed
Hurt is the question that has no answer and the answer to a question that will never be asked.
Hurt is happiness taken away intentionally leaving me with less than enough of what i need. The kind of Happiness that only happens once in a lifetime. Hurt is the closeness tainted with too much pain and pride, too strangled to let go.
Hurt will be the thing in the past I don't want it.
Do I ever get tired of this? Yes I am tired!
I really abhor people wearing masks.my nerves are on a high today. They tend to appear very kind on the outside but on the inside they creep me out.
Stop hurting me... so that I can stop saving what's left behind. Hurt is you... And I am quitting you.
--
--
--
This is goodbye to the hurtful past that i am referring to. I need to have a new life,and a new ME. This is just the beginning.
It is constantly feeling inadequate even when you know you're more deserving and you are blamed for something you didn't do. Hurt is knowing that your best isn't good enough and knowing that you have more than you really need and knowing that you wouldn't feel better even if you gave it all away. Hurt is the harsh word in response to a friendly gesture, the failure to acknowledge a favor, the injustice that goes unnoticed. Hurt is the inability to communicate. HUrt is being a puppet to someone who controls everything you have. Hurt is not being able to defend oneself, it is mute, not being able to say what really hurts. Hurt is staying at some point you wished it never existed
Hurt is the question that has no answer and the answer to a question that will never be asked.
Hurt is happiness taken away intentionally leaving me with less than enough of what i need. The kind of Happiness that only happens once in a lifetime. Hurt is the closeness tainted with too much pain and pride, too strangled to let go.
Hurt will be the thing in the past I don't want it.
Do I ever get tired of this? Yes I am tired!
I really abhor people wearing masks.my nerves are on a high today. They tend to appear very kind on the outside but on the inside they creep me out.
Stop hurting me... so that I can stop saving what's left behind. Hurt is you... And I am quitting you.
--
--
--
This is goodbye to the hurtful past that i am referring to. I need to have a new life,and a new ME. This is just the beginning.
Tuesday, March 24, 2009
Today, I am coming home... Philippines, here i come!
this must be the weirdest moment of my life, i am feeling all the extreme emotions..too bad i am all clogged out and i am not sober... it does not mean that i am intoxicated with alcohol, but i am so drunk with all these endless thoughts.
...i am almost prepared... hell yeah i am prepared but my mind is floating like a bee...my bags are all packed and i am carefully checking every single one of it to make sure i didnt miss something, make sure i know where i place this and that, and make sure all the important things are intact.
i am so sad but happy, excited but anxious...awake but dreaming.
i am trying so hard to put my feelings into writing but i can't.
I am just killing the time before my flight... i need to go to the airport early because i am scared i will miss the flight...I am excited that i will see my bestfriend too.
Have a safe trip for myself and Here i am philippines! I am coming home...Tomorrow I will kiss you Cebu! wooohhhhhhhhh.....
...i am almost prepared... hell yeah i am prepared but my mind is floating like a bee...my bags are all packed and i am carefully checking every single one of it to make sure i didnt miss something, make sure i know where i place this and that, and make sure all the important things are intact.
i am so sad but happy, excited but anxious...awake but dreaming.
i am trying so hard to put my feelings into writing but i can't.
I am just killing the time before my flight... i need to go to the airport early because i am scared i will miss the flight...I am excited that i will see my bestfriend too.
Have a safe trip for myself and Here i am philippines! I am coming home...Tomorrow I will kiss you Cebu! wooohhhhhhhhh.....
Monday, March 16, 2009
A week of the sweetest torture...
wooaahhh... it's been more than half a month and i haven't posted any post yet for March. This is because I am so so busy lately, I had trainings, tiresome strut to the malls during weekends, very demanding work, the need to complete a troubleshooting guide and most especially, busy planning for my 1 month vacation. I am totally excited about the idea of coming back home, enjoying the weather, the beaches, the night life, filipino food and in meeting my family and friends. I have been anticipating this for how many months now.
This week is the sweetest torture of all. my heart and mind are in the Philippines but my body is stuck here. It is like competing in a marathon barefooted,no matter how i try to finish first, I still struggle to reach the finish line. I really wanna go home and every second matters to me. I badly want to go home, now. I can't wait, i am so impatient.
I just wish today is already Tuesday. Oh C'mon Tuesday....
But these are also my firsts:
The first time to meet my lola again for more than a year including my family.
My first international plane ride... Alone. huhuh
My first vacation since I arrived here in the UAE
My First time to be away from my bestfriend Pamela in 5 years
My First time to meet my bestfriend Kathy in person
First time to meet my long lost friends Lovelyn and Lorelei
The first time to actually go to the airport ALONE again..huhuh
The first time to be happy but totally sad...get my point?
There are a lot to mention but i am just sharing the highlights.
I am excited but I am thinking too much. I am looking forward but something is holding back. I want to stay longer but time won't cooperate. I have fears but I will just leave it to the hand of fate. All i wanna do is have fun and spend precious moments to the persons I love the most. I only have 28 days and I will build castles of memories. Don't worry, I will still be blogging and I will try my best to complete it. I will post a lot of pics too.. for now, I need to complete this hosting procedures I am making.
Safe trip for me and bon voyage... See you soon Philippines! I am coming home. Yohooo...
This week is the sweetest torture of all. my heart and mind are in the Philippines but my body is stuck here. It is like competing in a marathon barefooted,no matter how i try to finish first, I still struggle to reach the finish line. I really wanna go home and every second matters to me. I badly want to go home, now. I can't wait, i am so impatient.
I just wish today is already Tuesday. Oh C'mon Tuesday....
But these are also my firsts:
The first time to meet my lola again for more than a year including my family.
My first international plane ride... Alone. huhuh
My first vacation since I arrived here in the UAE
My First time to be away from my bestfriend Pamela in 5 years
My First time to meet my bestfriend Kathy in person
First time to meet my long lost friends Lovelyn and Lorelei
The first time to actually go to the airport ALONE again..huhuh
The first time to be happy but totally sad...get my point?
There are a lot to mention but i am just sharing the highlights.
I am excited but I am thinking too much. I am looking forward but something is holding back. I want to stay longer but time won't cooperate. I have fears but I will just leave it to the hand of fate. All i wanna do is have fun and spend precious moments to the persons I love the most. I only have 28 days and I will build castles of memories. Don't worry, I will still be blogging and I will try my best to complete it. I will post a lot of pics too.. for now, I need to complete this hosting procedures I am making.
Safe trip for me and bon voyage... See you soon Philippines! I am coming home. Yohooo...
Saturday, February 28, 2009
Things will never be the same the way I want to
Have you ever thought of things that would last for a lifetime but in reality it doesn't exist? Then you just wake up one day and notice that you are in an unfamiliar circumstance?
While wide awake you have to feel pain in order to let go of things you can't afford to loose?
Does reality succumbs you to decide on the most difficult decision you will make and you think life will be much easier?
Have you tried moving on in a short notice and all you can do is look back and cry?
is there a time when you tell yourself that everything will turn into place without affecting you so much and all you say is that "it is okay"?
is it very easy to say things your mind tells you but your heart says different things?
Is it okay to think of what lies ahead and all you can think of is yourself?
Is it just me thinking too much or is it the intuition that you know something's gonna happen for sure?
I have experienced this and it is not easy to accept things the way it will be(future). I try to pretend that I am okay but deep inside i am hurting more than ever. It is a good hurt I would say. It really is!
I will get hurt, I will stand up and I will move on.I will heal in time, i know i would. I won't rush things over, I will promise not to cry, I will promise not to differ.
This isn't goodbye to my old self but it is the beginning a new chapter of my life. I know anytime soon a lot of things will change drastically and I need to prepare my self for that.
I know how to deal with my emotions but i am not ready to face the avalanche that will be coming soon or perhaps these emotions are too strong for me to err?
I wish i am strong, and be stronger tomorrow. I need to face the future head on and accept everything fully. What lies beneath the surface should not shake me.
Somehow,I need to remember these:
a few things to embrace with an open mind
a bruising and aching heart matched with reality check
optimism of what the future lies ahead
the agility to protect myself from total sadness
antidote for the inevitable sorrow
shield of love and happiness
an instrument for my healing process
sound of unwavering silence
fruit of unparalleled labor
a well of what-ifs and doubts
a light to an untimely death
lessons of life and love
wisdom for a troubled mind
indelible mark of my existence
a family to keep me sheltered
power of prayers
and the pain of letting go
I just sit here in the dark and sigh, i ask myself... "ineth, are you ready?"
As i turn a new leaf, I must say, good luck and be prepared....The greatest story untold... Life, Death and the Rebirth of M.E.....:(
til my next post...ciao..
While wide awake you have to feel pain in order to let go of things you can't afford to loose?
Does reality succumbs you to decide on the most difficult decision you will make and you think life will be much easier?
Have you tried moving on in a short notice and all you can do is look back and cry?
is there a time when you tell yourself that everything will turn into place without affecting you so much and all you say is that "it is okay"?
is it very easy to say things your mind tells you but your heart says different things?
Is it okay to think of what lies ahead and all you can think of is yourself?
Is it just me thinking too much or is it the intuition that you know something's gonna happen for sure?
I have experienced this and it is not easy to accept things the way it will be(future). I try to pretend that I am okay but deep inside i am hurting more than ever. It is a good hurt I would say. It really is!
I will get hurt, I will stand up and I will move on.I will heal in time, i know i would. I won't rush things over, I will promise not to cry, I will promise not to differ.
This isn't goodbye to my old self but it is the beginning a new chapter of my life. I know anytime soon a lot of things will change drastically and I need to prepare my self for that.
I know how to deal with my emotions but i am not ready to face the avalanche that will be coming soon or perhaps these emotions are too strong for me to err?
I wish i am strong, and be stronger tomorrow. I need to face the future head on and accept everything fully. What lies beneath the surface should not shake me.
Somehow,I need to remember these:
a few things to embrace with an open mind
a bruising and aching heart matched with reality check
optimism of what the future lies ahead
the agility to protect myself from total sadness
antidote for the inevitable sorrow
shield of love and happiness
an instrument for my healing process
sound of unwavering silence
fruit of unparalleled labor
a well of what-ifs and doubts
a light to an untimely death
lessons of life and love
wisdom for a troubled mind
indelible mark of my existence
a family to keep me sheltered
power of prayers
and the pain of letting go
I just sit here in the dark and sigh, i ask myself... "ineth, are you ready?"
As i turn a new leaf, I must say, good luck and be prepared....The greatest story untold... Life, Death and the Rebirth of M.E.....:(
til my next post...ciao..
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Promise me, that no matter what you'll never let go
I just want to post this quick poem i made while making chikkas to my flatmates. I am so sorry, I wasn't paying attention to our talk. It's just that I am in the mood to write a quickie post, so here it is.
I searched,
for the missing piece of the puzzle.
I found,
a place where i fit in.
I walked,
and I grieved too much.
I sang,
with a broken heart.
I laughed,
my heart burst into laughter.
I cried,
drowned myself into tears.
I am hurt,
and I'll be hurt even more.
I will cry,
until there's a reason not to.
I accepted you,
and I can't get you out of my life that easily
I'll remember you
in every waking day of my life.
I love you
I treasure you
I care for you so much
and I will miss you every single second of the day
You are my friend, my family and a part of me
I am keeping you wherever I'll be
Promise me, that no matter what you'll never let go...
If everything in my life fails.
This quick post is dedicated to my BESTFRIENDS.(you know who you are)
Please read this post if I am so so so far away from your grasp or if you think you are missing me. (in the near future i guess)
I am keeping you in my heart til the rest of my days....until i die. Thank you for everything you have given me. Life is easier having YOU around.
til here, need to finish my other drafts... ciao.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Grandmother, please be strong... I love you
I just heard the news today about my grandmother and the news left me in a state of shock. Everything went slow motion and I was still grasping every word that was said. Here I am trying to make a fool of myself, telling myself that it was just a dream that I could wake up.I closed my eyes again, waiting for someone to wake me up, but then tears were streaming down my face. I felt and taste it, it was real, it was real..... :(
It saddens me so much that she has to suffer severe pain in spite of her age. She was well during my birthday. She was laughing in front of her other grandchildren while talking to me on the phone. I heard her heart beating with laughter and saw her smile at the back of my mind while she was singing the birthday song. She was dancing, singing and talking to me like i was just there beside her. I know she was very happy at that time. Talking to her on the phone was heaven for me. I felt so blessed of having her as a grandmother. I felt so loved though distance sets us apart.
I am like a totally different person today while i was talking to Lola. I missed the part when i crack jokes at her. She used to tell me how excited she is to see me this march that she would do her best to gain weight. Hearing her sad voice makes me shiver. Makes me want to take the next flight out to the philippines. I heard her fear about her condition and she does not want me to know about it. She has lots of hesitations and she does not want me to be sad. I can't help but to cry myself, I had my guard down. She is the vulnerable part of me. Thinking of her situation makes me cry. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her. I love her so much and it hurts, really hurts...My heart is crunched to its purest form. I am longing to be with my beloved grandmother now, at this instant! She needs me more than ever.
I wish I can stop these tearducts from producing tears. I am tired of crying, my eyes hurt already. My body is so tired to stay up longer but my mind is wide awake. The sadness is overwhleming and it is sinking deep down inside of me.
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
God, I am praying, please make her well now, please heal her. Give the pain to me because i can bear it and I am sturdy as a tree. I am still young and I will accept it wholeheartedly without any qualms. don't let her suffer this way, she had lived her life in misery and agony before. Let her free from all of this. Let her live a longer life, I want to spend more time with her. To know her more and to tell her how much i missed her and love her. Going away was the hardest thing for me to do, but I did it because of her. I pray that her health will be replenished, get a part of my lifetime and give it to her. I pray as I offer everything to you, please don't take her away from me. She is everything i have. I lost a mother once and I can't afford to loose her. She is so precious to me if she's gone, I'll die with her. Right now I am ripped out from my flesh and my soul is tortured. Give her more time, more life to live. Please father God, I am begging you. I am kneeling before you. Please give her the miracle she deserves, I already have my miracle. I love you God, please make her well.. :(
My everdearest grandmother. Please be strong, I love you.
I want to be strong for you at this moment but i felt so weak. I am sorry but it hurts I can't be there. I am so far away from you. I wished I was there beside you, to comfort you and be there to hug you tight. This isn't the life I wanted but I had to live the risk i took when i decided to leave. I love you so much and I am hurting now. I am crying, I can't sleep and I am thinking of you.
-- "please be well, please be wellllll..."
I need to stop writing now...I can't take the pain.....no words can describe what I am feeling. "ineth....stop and take a rest.... Miracles will happen...I know you believe it"
It saddens me so much that she has to suffer severe pain in spite of her age. She was well during my birthday. She was laughing in front of her other grandchildren while talking to me on the phone. I heard her heart beating with laughter and saw her smile at the back of my mind while she was singing the birthday song. She was dancing, singing and talking to me like i was just there beside her. I know she was very happy at that time. Talking to her on the phone was heaven for me. I felt so blessed of having her as a grandmother. I felt so loved though distance sets us apart.
I am like a totally different person today while i was talking to Lola. I missed the part when i crack jokes at her. She used to tell me how excited she is to see me this march that she would do her best to gain weight. Hearing her sad voice makes me shiver. Makes me want to take the next flight out to the philippines. I heard her fear about her condition and she does not want me to know about it. She has lots of hesitations and she does not want me to be sad. I can't help but to cry myself, I had my guard down. She is the vulnerable part of me. Thinking of her situation makes me cry. I don't know what to do. I can't stop thinking about her. I love her so much and it hurts, really hurts...My heart is crunched to its purest form. I am longing to be with my beloved grandmother now, at this instant! She needs me more than ever.
I wish I can stop these tearducts from producing tears. I am tired of crying, my eyes hurt already. My body is so tired to stay up longer but my mind is wide awake. The sadness is overwhleming and it is sinking deep down inside of me.
I close my eyes and say a prayer.
God, I am praying, please make her well now, please heal her. Give the pain to me because i can bear it and I am sturdy as a tree. I am still young and I will accept it wholeheartedly without any qualms. don't let her suffer this way, she had lived her life in misery and agony before. Let her free from all of this. Let her live a longer life, I want to spend more time with her. To know her more and to tell her how much i missed her and love her. Going away was the hardest thing for me to do, but I did it because of her. I pray that her health will be replenished, get a part of my lifetime and give it to her. I pray as I offer everything to you, please don't take her away from me. She is everything i have. I lost a mother once and I can't afford to loose her. She is so precious to me if she's gone, I'll die with her. Right now I am ripped out from my flesh and my soul is tortured. Give her more time, more life to live. Please father God, I am begging you. I am kneeling before you. Please give her the miracle she deserves, I already have my miracle. I love you God, please make her well.. :(
My everdearest grandmother. Please be strong, I love you.
I want to be strong for you at this moment but i felt so weak. I am sorry but it hurts I can't be there. I am so far away from you. I wished I was there beside you, to comfort you and be there to hug you tight. This isn't the life I wanted but I had to live the risk i took when i decided to leave. I love you so much and I am hurting now. I am crying, I can't sleep and I am thinking of you.
-- "please be well, please be wellllll..."
I need to stop writing now...I can't take the pain.....no words can describe what I am feeling. "ineth....stop and take a rest.... Miracles will happen...I know you believe it"
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Not yet Sober
I am still feeling dizzy while writing this post. My head is aching terribly and I am not productive to my work today. I spent 3 hours finding one line of code which can be found in 1 minute time. My officemate always laugh at me for my so called stupidity. She asks a question, and I ask her to repeat it again and again. It would take time for me to formulate the exact answer. She defines it as LOADING...I am like this pentium 1 processor that takes a long time to process. Even now, I am typing 5 words per minute, i forget the next word i should use. This is the effect of last night's drinking spree. The alcohol intoxicated me so much and affected my thoughts and the way i think. I think this will last for another 24 hours or so. I am not feeling any better. Every second, my head is getting painful and painful. I am feeling groggy. I think I'll be sick, I will have fever. They day is still too long to rest.
This is ridiculous...uhuhuuhu.. Please somebody help me.
--I am writing this to remind myself not to drink too much in the future... I know that when I will come back home to the Cebu, a lot of drinking sprees will happen.
I will drink but not too much, I can do this! aja...
Ineth, drink moderately! :(
This is ridiculous...uhuhuuhu.. Please somebody help me.
--I am writing this to remind myself not to drink too much in the future... I know that when I will come back home to the Cebu, a lot of drinking sprees will happen.
I will drink but not too much, I can do this! aja...
Ineth, drink moderately! :(
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
a Birthday Letter
Dear ineth,
You and I know we've known each other for 24 years now to be exact. A lot of things have changed in your life. I have witnessed all the interesting episodes as I watch you grow into a promising individual. You were a queen of your own drama and a fighter of your own battle. I've seen you laugh at formidable circumstances, cry over painful memories and danced yourself to the beat of the music.
I felt the pain when you thought of the days when you were a kid. The death of your mother left a staggering pain and the longing for a mother's touch. The unforgivable words uttered by your father left an indelible mark in your existence. The lies and deceitful eyes of your stepmother made you hate yourself for being so weak, that you were not able to defend yourself in times you knew you were right. The trust you bestowed to your brother was put into waste but still you were still forgiving. You loved him unconditionally and yet your goodness was was nothing.
The supposed-to-be-happiest-day-of-your-life (you graduated in high school with medals, you got the No.1 spot of a scholarship grant, and you graduated in college with honors) became a nightmare and you wished it didn't happen. The last strand of your wit was put into test and you decided to leave your family and friends to work in another country. All of these were mine to bear. Everything was carved to let you remember what you've been through... But nevertheless, you withstood these and took all the chances for salvation.
The solitude that you were feeling almost everyday has been the hardest thing for me to bear. I saw it in your eyes the dull glare of the sun that's slowly fading. It resembles the life force being sucked out from your being. You were sad and I knew it, but i didn't cared about it. You wanted to cry but I told you not to. You asked for my presence but I just sat in the corner and watched you grieve.I understand what you are up to and I want you to know that you are the bravest person I've met. Your deeds were astonishing to others that it came to the point you forgot to think for yourself. You are wonderful and an unselfish living creature in the planet. I will love you for what you are and I will never get tired of you.
I don't care if you grow old with age, neither do i care if you will have fine lines. Some people may think bad about you, but I will never do. You have the greatest sets of friends and I know they are lucky to have you. You love them so much that hurting them is the last thing you will do. You have a very supportive family who will be spending their lives thinking about you.
There are a lot of good things that will happen to you in the next days, weeks, months, years, decades and centuries. Never cease to remember that God has put you in that situation because He knows you can suffice all of it. Thank Him for giving you the patience and perseverance to endure everyday struggles. Thank Him for everything, may it be good or bad.
This is your day and live it, be happy because no one can take it. Smile for no reason, laugh at all cost. You have the perfect gifts.. LIFE, LOVE, FRIENDS, FAMILY and most especially another YEAR to live. The anticipation you feel in seeing your grandmother is overwhelming that I want to be there when that day comes. I'll be watching you.
Happy Birthday and may all your dreams come true...I love you daughter and will always be proud of you..
I wished i didn't die so that I can be with you today.
Just look at the star in the sky and you will see me shining on you. I will always be in your heart. NOW and FOREVER.
Always,
Mother
------
miss you mom...wished you were here.
You and I know we've known each other for 24 years now to be exact. A lot of things have changed in your life. I have witnessed all the interesting episodes as I watch you grow into a promising individual. You were a queen of your own drama and a fighter of your own battle. I've seen you laugh at formidable circumstances, cry over painful memories and danced yourself to the beat of the music.
I felt the pain when you thought of the days when you were a kid. The death of your mother left a staggering pain and the longing for a mother's touch. The unforgivable words uttered by your father left an indelible mark in your existence. The lies and deceitful eyes of your stepmother made you hate yourself for being so weak, that you were not able to defend yourself in times you knew you were right. The trust you bestowed to your brother was put into waste but still you were still forgiving. You loved him unconditionally and yet your goodness was was nothing.
The supposed-to-be-happiest-day-of-your-life (you graduated in high school with medals, you got the No.1 spot of a scholarship grant, and you graduated in college with honors) became a nightmare and you wished it didn't happen. The last strand of your wit was put into test and you decided to leave your family and friends to work in another country. All of these were mine to bear. Everything was carved to let you remember what you've been through... But nevertheless, you withstood these and took all the chances for salvation.
The solitude that you were feeling almost everyday has been the hardest thing for me to bear. I saw it in your eyes the dull glare of the sun that's slowly fading. It resembles the life force being sucked out from your being. You were sad and I knew it, but i didn't cared about it. You wanted to cry but I told you not to. You asked for my presence but I just sat in the corner and watched you grieve.I understand what you are up to and I want you to know that you are the bravest person I've met. Your deeds were astonishing to others that it came to the point you forgot to think for yourself. You are wonderful and an unselfish living creature in the planet. I will love you for what you are and I will never get tired of you.
I don't care if you grow old with age, neither do i care if you will have fine lines. Some people may think bad about you, but I will never do. You have the greatest sets of friends and I know they are lucky to have you. You love them so much that hurting them is the last thing you will do. You have a very supportive family who will be spending their lives thinking about you.
There are a lot of good things that will happen to you in the next days, weeks, months, years, decades and centuries. Never cease to remember that God has put you in that situation because He knows you can suffice all of it. Thank Him for giving you the patience and perseverance to endure everyday struggles. Thank Him for everything, may it be good or bad.
This is your day and live it, be happy because no one can take it. Smile for no reason, laugh at all cost. You have the perfect gifts.. LIFE, LOVE, FRIENDS, FAMILY and most especially another YEAR to live. The anticipation you feel in seeing your grandmother is overwhelming that I want to be there when that day comes. I'll be watching you.
Happy Birthday and may all your dreams come true...I love you daughter and will always be proud of you..
I wished i didn't die so that I can be with you today.
Just look at the star in the sky and you will see me shining on you. I will always be in your heart. NOW and FOREVER.
Always,
Mother
------
miss you mom...wished you were here.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Elevator Madness
I decided to post this first because I was tired of writing the post ill be posting in the next few days. I haven't finished it yet because my thoughts are everywhere. I need a break first and share something that does not focus on my self.
Me and my colleague arrived at our office building very early so we decided to buy something first from the grocery store. We were happy chatting about a topic which i forgot what it was and went inside the elevator. The elevator has a big mirror and I enjoyed staring at myself blankly. I leaned on the glass after i pressed the number 2 button. My friend on the other hand was still talking about something. While waiting, an Indian and a Local also went inside the elevator, so there were 4 of us inside the elevator. I looked at the indian lazily while carefully trying to guess what button he should press. This local guy in front of me pressed number 7 and then 5. He has a big belly, pointed noise and funny eyes. I thought he wasnt sober and was pretending he was not in the influence of something. Then a conversation started between the Indian and the local.
Indian: uhhhh
Local: C'mon, which floor?
indian: (while pointing at the numbers) hmmm.. 9 please.
Local: (looking at the indian sarcastically from head to toe) Huh? are you on rum or whisky, or drugs? There no is number 9 here, look? only 7 floors. Don't you know DSO has only seven floors? C'mon tell me which floor?
Indian: (slightly embarrased, just smiled and did not say anything) hmmm...
The local was still talking nonsense. Me and my friend both shared laughters.
I wasn't laughing at the Indian but I was laughing at the local. I was amused by what he did because he thought he owned the elevator. His tone of voice was irritating which can be compared to a drunk and boastful schoolboy. This is a clear picture of discrimination. He should have asked the Indian in a nice way or let the Indian decide which floor he should choose. Not rant about how many floors the building has and whatsoever. It was a small talk that lasted a minute but for me it is an indication how arrogant locals treat some Indians. They think very little to these people while they treat themselves as Gods. They own this place but at least they need to show some respect to individuals who helped them make this country a nice place to live in.
I find hypocrisy at the highest level. Locals pray several times a day, thinking they will be forgiven immediately. Irony of it, they think it is okay to do the same mistakes again.
Somehow, i pity both of them. the Indian, for being so weak and defenseless and the local, for being tactless and inconsiderate. I hope they both find peace and pray their paths won't cross again.
Til here, im sorry for a very boring post, I told you my thoughts are everywhere. I had a hard time completing this too. I have a lots of things in my mind lately and it's blocking all of my senses.
But that's fine, promised myself to be ok...I promised the persons who mattered to me the most, that I will be OKAY....
good night, good morning rather...im already sleepy. ciao
--
ineth
Me and my colleague arrived at our office building very early so we decided to buy something first from the grocery store. We were happy chatting about a topic which i forgot what it was and went inside the elevator. The elevator has a big mirror and I enjoyed staring at myself blankly. I leaned on the glass after i pressed the number 2 button. My friend on the other hand was still talking about something. While waiting, an Indian and a Local also went inside the elevator, so there were 4 of us inside the elevator. I looked at the indian lazily while carefully trying to guess what button he should press. This local guy in front of me pressed number 7 and then 5. He has a big belly, pointed noise and funny eyes. I thought he wasnt sober and was pretending he was not in the influence of something. Then a conversation started between the Indian and the local.
Indian: uhhhh
Local: C'mon, which floor?
indian: (while pointing at the numbers) hmmm.. 9 please.
Local: (looking at the indian sarcastically from head to toe) Huh? are you on rum or whisky, or drugs? There no is number 9 here, look? only 7 floors. Don't you know DSO has only seven floors? C'mon tell me which floor?
Indian: (slightly embarrased, just smiled and did not say anything) hmmm...
The local was still talking nonsense. Me and my friend both shared laughters.
I wasn't laughing at the Indian but I was laughing at the local. I was amused by what he did because he thought he owned the elevator. His tone of voice was irritating which can be compared to a drunk and boastful schoolboy. This is a clear picture of discrimination. He should have asked the Indian in a nice way or let the Indian decide which floor he should choose. Not rant about how many floors the building has and whatsoever. It was a small talk that lasted a minute but for me it is an indication how arrogant locals treat some Indians. They think very little to these people while they treat themselves as Gods. They own this place but at least they need to show some respect to individuals who helped them make this country a nice place to live in.
I find hypocrisy at the highest level. Locals pray several times a day, thinking they will be forgiven immediately. Irony of it, they think it is okay to do the same mistakes again.
Somehow, i pity both of them. the Indian, for being so weak and defenseless and the local, for being tactless and inconsiderate. I hope they both find peace and pray their paths won't cross again.
Til here, im sorry for a very boring post, I told you my thoughts are everywhere. I had a hard time completing this too. I have a lots of things in my mind lately and it's blocking all of my senses.
But that's fine, promised myself to be ok...I promised the persons who mattered to me the most, that I will be OKAY....
good night, good morning rather...im already sleepy. ciao
--
ineth
Wednesday, January 28, 2009
p r a y e r s
I received a message in my inbox when i woke up...and it is worth sharing. I am not that religious but I believe in the power of prayer. Prayers are my everyday weapon of survival. It never fails me and i become stronger to face all trials that come my way. Hope this is a good share and please don't fail to pray and talk to God. He is always in our hearts..
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And give the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak...
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace , love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.
My prayers are always for my family, my friends, for the souls, for the needy, for the lost, and lastly for myself. I pray to God that He will bless everyone in my life. They may be hurting and sad but I want them to know that I am there all along on the same spot.
The changes in my life made me a better person and God molded me into one.
I love God and I believe is his ultimate power, nothing can tear that down. Just my two cents. :) **wink wink..
I love you God, I love you Jesus.
--
i n e t h
Dear Lord, I thank You for this day,
I thank You for my being able to see and to hear this morning. I'm blessed because You are a forgiving God and an understanding God. You have done so much for me and You keep on blessing me. Forgive me this day for everything I have done, said or thought that was not pleasing to you. I ask now for Your forgiveness. Please keep me safe from all danger and harm. Help me to start this day with a new attitude and plenty of gratitude. Let me make the best of each and every day to clear my mind so that I can hear from You. Please broaden my mind that I can accept all things. Let me not whine and whimper over things I have no control over. And give the best response when I'm pushed beyond my limits.
I know that when I can't pray, You listen to my heart. Continue to use me to do Your will.
Continue to bless me that I may be a blessing to others. Keep me strong that I may help the weak...
Keep me uplifted that I may have words of encouragement for others.
I pray for those that are lost and can't find their way. I pray for those that are misjudged and misunderstood. I pray for those who don't know You intimately. I pray for those that will delete this without sharing it with others. I pray for those that don't believe.
But I thank you that I believe that God changes people and God changes things. I pray for all my sisters and brothers. For each and every family member in their households. I pray for peace , love and joy in their homes that they are out of debt and all their needs are met. I pray that every eye that reads this knows there is no problem, circumstance, or situation greater than God. Every battle is in Your hands for You to fight. I pray that these words be received into the hearts of every eye that sees it.
My prayers are always for my family, my friends, for the souls, for the needy, for the lost, and lastly for myself. I pray to God that He will bless everyone in my life. They may be hurting and sad but I want them to know that I am there all along on the same spot.
The changes in my life made me a better person and God molded me into one.
I love God and I believe is his ultimate power, nothing can tear that down. Just my two cents. :) **wink wink..
I love you God, I love you Jesus.
--
i n e t h
Monday, January 26, 2009
Fifteen random things about ME
Tomorrow, I'll be back to work mode.Sigh! this is torture again. I will see the most annoying faces in the face of the planet.
Before I start the week and get pretty busy, let me list 15 random things about myself.
1. I am a hopeless romantic chic. Gosh i watched A walk to remember today again for the Nth time.
2. Totally movie and series freak. I do movie marathons every chance it get especially on my day offs.
3. I am afraid of ugly looking creatures, especially amphibians.
4. I prefer to stay at home than go strolling to the malls.a Certified homebuddy.
5. I know how to cook but i easily forget the steps in cooking
6. If I get wasted, please don't make me remember. It's because I don't remember anything at all.
7. I am a cry baby. I even cry while watching telenovelas or MMK
8. I can be too stubborn sometimes and I don't give a damn.
9. Drinking coffee makes me feel sleepy
10. I enjoy travelling to any place and explore different things
11. I like extreme activities to test my limits. C'mon, dare me.
12. I can stay awake and chat for how many hours. wee hours of the next day? hehe
13. I don't like pictures taken without my consent. It's ok if I look good in it. eiiiii
14. I love my friends so much, more than my life. I hope they know that.
15. I hate celebrating my birthday and I hate suprises. But i love planning surprises for other people.
--
I am sleepy now... at least you know 15 things about. Til my next post.....
Good night everyone.
--
i n e t h
Before I start the week and get pretty busy, let me list 15 random things about myself.
1. I am a hopeless romantic chic. Gosh i watched A walk to remember today again for the Nth time.
2. Totally movie and series freak. I do movie marathons every chance it get especially on my day offs.
3. I am afraid of ugly looking creatures, especially amphibians.
4. I prefer to stay at home than go strolling to the malls.a Certified homebuddy.
5. I know how to cook but i easily forget the steps in cooking
6. If I get wasted, please don't make me remember. It's because I don't remember anything at all.
7. I am a cry baby. I even cry while watching telenovelas or MMK
8. I can be too stubborn sometimes and I don't give a damn.
9. Drinking coffee makes me feel sleepy
10. I enjoy travelling to any place and explore different things
11. I like extreme activities to test my limits. C'mon, dare me.
12. I can stay awake and chat for how many hours. wee hours of the next day? hehe
13. I don't like pictures taken without my consent. It's ok if I look good in it. eiiiii
14. I love my friends so much, more than my life. I hope they know that.
15. I hate celebrating my birthday and I hate suprises. But i love planning surprises for other people.
--
I am sleepy now... at least you know 15 things about. Til my next post.....
Good night everyone.
--
i n e t h
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Perfect Stranger
I still can't sleep tonight. It is already 2.43 am. My are eyes are not tired, i have this terrible headache and my mind is still telling me to write more. I just finished writing a post and I am still not done doing it. It's a good thing, I am in the mood to write and express my thoughts. I missed days like this when I am not busy at work and I got to spend time with myself. I am sitting on my bed in complete darkness and the laptop is the only source of light.
I want to write this to remind me of the good things at the start of 2009. I am very forgetful that is why i am keeping an online journal so that I can read it anytime i want and in the years to come. So here's how it goes.
November 26, 2008, I sent a message to a perfect stranger. I don't know her and neither does she. We have only one friend in common in FS, Lore. I was amused by the edited pics that she and her friend submitted to Lore. They are all cute and very original. I was kinda hesitant at first because she might ignore me or might ask who am I, she might plague me with odd questions...I had a playlist created at imeem with Lore's acoustic songs that i ripped from youtube. I just wanted to share it with this person. I can say she is also fond Lore and she may like what i created. It took more than one week i guess to send a message to her. But then in an instant, i decided to write one message. I send it to this person without expecting a reply. I was busy checking FS pics and my messenger prompted that there is a new message in my inbox. I checked it out and it was indeed a reply. To cut the chase, we starting chatting.
I can say she is a good person by the way she talks on chat. A very warm hearted individual with lots of sense of humor. We talked a lot in chat and we became good friends. We clicked and a new friendship bloomed instantly. By the way her name is Kath, 19, nursing student. She is still young but she talks like a grown up. I admire her for her sensitivity and for her attentiveness. She is a good listener too. Cracking jokes are her forte . In the office, Pam will always ask me why I was suddenly laughing. It was because of her jokes. There was no dull moment evertyime we chatted. We talked about life, friends, experiences and almost anything under the sun. We got closer and closer everyday. I felt the closeness even though we are miles away. By the way, Im in the UAE, while she's in the Philippines. Im 23 and she's 19. hehehe. There was no day we don't chat, and it seemed like a routine. I got used to it somehow and i bet she was too. I was then happy. On december 26, I evidently forgot to turn on my laptop because I fell asleep. I was celebrating christmas eve and did not sleep the whole day. I got so tired and just slept. Unknowingly, she was wondering where I was, why i wasnt online and she hasnt heard from me that day. She texted my chikka account, sent offline mesgs to my ym id, sent a message to friendster, and even sent a message to my best friend asking where the hell am i. Sad to say, I was not able to read it and answered her calls. I was in deep sleep gaining my energy back since I will be working on the 27th.
When I woke up, I read all her messages and I felt guilty. I felt sorry why I did not bother to send a single message to tell that I am alive and breathing... Felt guilty for making her wonder. She told me she was getting paranoid. I was so touched by what she did. Considering we just talk in chat and I just known her for a month. Only a few does that. Only a few cared and only a few made me feel special. I am overwhelmed and I didnt understand what I was feeling. I considered myself aloof before.I don't entertain new friends. If i dont like you at first glance, then I would not be friends with you. That is my defense mechanism, to protect myself from pain of getting hurt. I don't let anyone in because I am afraid when people leave.
See?The connection was significant. The bond we made was so strong. How different our worlds are but we never ceased to care. It is an extraordinary feeling of having friends with a complete stranger. Someone you never knew and suddenly you will feel you know her a lifetime. Someone who share the same thoughts and battle different ideas with you. The one who will feed you with memories and let you enjoy the excitement of anticipation of meeting in the future. Lets you wonder what would life be if you haven't known each other. And makes you smile for no reason at all. I am glad all of this happened, a reason to be happier because I know that someone always knew me somewhere, somehow at an unlikely situation. . I sensed a familiar feeling, a welcoming presence that awakened amidst a sorrowful soul. The same feeling the first time I believed in bestfriends, true friends and soulmates.
To be exact, we have been in constant communication for almost 2 months now. There is no day we don't chat.It is becoming a routine and im missing her already. My bestfriend, Pamela, befriended her as well. And they got pretty close too. Pamela used to tell me that she can see the sheer likeness between me and Kath. We have the same attitudes (no wonder we are both aquarians), almost the same interests and the same feelings when it comes to friendships. Pamela, Kathrena and I are like sisters now. The friendship bond we share is rare.
To sum it up, Me and Pamela would like to tell you these words. There is no day we never talked about you and how lucky we are to have you as our friend. Pamela told me I am attached to two persons now, which is a good thing. So listen to what our heart says.
Dear Kath,
We know that this is becoming awkward of putting these things in to writing. We don't know you personally but we are connected somehow. You were the one who lifted us up during the times we are so sad. Your jokes were never corny and we can't stop from laughing. Your words of encouragement are far greater than we thought it would be from a 19 year old girl. You made some sense out of nothing. You spoke kind words that eased our aching hearts, filled up the gaps of longingness and gave us the space of belonging. From now on, our sentiments are yours to share. Our life are yours to live. Our hearts are yours to love. We are yours and together we are one. You proved yourself worthy of our friendship that is why you are at the beacon of our fortress. We let you in our lives without hesitations.
You brought us so much joy and inspiration so suddenly. We were caught in an overwhelming situation that we don't want to loose it. You are so important to our existence now. We are so attached to you and we don't know why. We love you so dearly and misses you every moment of evey single day. I know you got everything we said, but behind these words are feelings better left unsaid. We never expected this to happen. A friendship that is so rare and fragile that left us in state of awe.
Remember last January 20 while you were drunk and trying(don't get it wrong) to be sober, we made a pact of the sister bond. You told me you remember everything we chatted that night and was perfect and amazing though i had doubts about it. You were under the influence of Jose Cuervo, nonetheless, I believed everything you said. It was really perfect and amazing. I felt the sincerity.
I asked you once how you felt, and you told me there were no words can tell. I believed that coz i felt the same way too and neither does Pam. We are keeping you close to our heart. You will always be our little sister. We will never take you for granted. You are in our circle now.
We can't wait the day to finally meet you personally. You will be filled with hugs and DUKOLs!
I love you sik, Pam loves you too. We are happy to have you
Thanks for everything.. That's all i can think of at this very moment. Thank you and thank you.
Til here'
Love
--
ineth and pam.
I know you are reading this now... til my next posts... ciao...
completed at 2.09 pm uae
I want to write this to remind me of the good things at the start of 2009. I am very forgetful that is why i am keeping an online journal so that I can read it anytime i want and in the years to come. So here's how it goes.
November 26, 2008, I sent a message to a perfect stranger. I don't know her and neither does she. We have only one friend in common in FS, Lore. I was amused by the edited pics that she and her friend submitted to Lore. They are all cute and very original. I was kinda hesitant at first because she might ignore me or might ask who am I, she might plague me with odd questions...I had a playlist created at imeem with Lore's acoustic songs that i ripped from youtube. I just wanted to share it with this person. I can say she is also fond Lore and she may like what i created. It took more than one week i guess to send a message to her. But then in an instant, i decided to write one message. I send it to this person without expecting a reply. I was busy checking FS pics and my messenger prompted that there is a new message in my inbox. I checked it out and it was indeed a reply. To cut the chase, we starting chatting.
I can say she is a good person by the way she talks on chat. A very warm hearted individual with lots of sense of humor. We talked a lot in chat and we became good friends. We clicked and a new friendship bloomed instantly. By the way her name is Kath, 19, nursing student. She is still young but she talks like a grown up. I admire her for her sensitivity and for her attentiveness. She is a good listener too. Cracking jokes are her forte . In the office, Pam will always ask me why I was suddenly laughing. It was because of her jokes. There was no dull moment evertyime we chatted. We talked about life, friends, experiences and almost anything under the sun. We got closer and closer everyday. I felt the closeness even though we are miles away. By the way, Im in the UAE, while she's in the Philippines. Im 23 and she's 19. hehehe. There was no day we don't chat, and it seemed like a routine. I got used to it somehow and i bet she was too. I was then happy. On december 26, I evidently forgot to turn on my laptop because I fell asleep. I was celebrating christmas eve and did not sleep the whole day. I got so tired and just slept. Unknowingly, she was wondering where I was, why i wasnt online and she hasnt heard from me that day. She texted my chikka account, sent offline mesgs to my ym id, sent a message to friendster, and even sent a message to my best friend asking where the hell am i. Sad to say, I was not able to read it and answered her calls. I was in deep sleep gaining my energy back since I will be working on the 27th.
When I woke up, I read all her messages and I felt guilty. I felt sorry why I did not bother to send a single message to tell that I am alive and breathing... Felt guilty for making her wonder. She told me she was getting paranoid. I was so touched by what she did. Considering we just talk in chat and I just known her for a month. Only a few does that. Only a few cared and only a few made me feel special. I am overwhelmed and I didnt understand what I was feeling. I considered myself aloof before.I don't entertain new friends. If i dont like you at first glance, then I would not be friends with you. That is my defense mechanism, to protect myself from pain of getting hurt. I don't let anyone in because I am afraid when people leave.
See?The connection was significant. The bond we made was so strong. How different our worlds are but we never ceased to care. It is an extraordinary feeling of having friends with a complete stranger. Someone you never knew and suddenly you will feel you know her a lifetime. Someone who share the same thoughts and battle different ideas with you. The one who will feed you with memories and let you enjoy the excitement of anticipation of meeting in the future. Lets you wonder what would life be if you haven't known each other. And makes you smile for no reason at all. I am glad all of this happened, a reason to be happier because I know that someone always knew me somewhere, somehow at an unlikely situation. . I sensed a familiar feeling, a welcoming presence that awakened amidst a sorrowful soul. The same feeling the first time I believed in bestfriends, true friends and soulmates.
To be exact, we have been in constant communication for almost 2 months now. There is no day we don't chat.It is becoming a routine and im missing her already. My bestfriend, Pamela, befriended her as well. And they got pretty close too. Pamela used to tell me that she can see the sheer likeness between me and Kath. We have the same attitudes (no wonder we are both aquarians), almost the same interests and the same feelings when it comes to friendships. Pamela, Kathrena and I are like sisters now. The friendship bond we share is rare.
To sum it up, Me and Pamela would like to tell you these words. There is no day we never talked about you and how lucky we are to have you as our friend. Pamela told me I am attached to two persons now, which is a good thing. So listen to what our heart says.
Dear Kath,
We know that this is becoming awkward of putting these things in to writing. We don't know you personally but we are connected somehow. You were the one who lifted us up during the times we are so sad. Your jokes were never corny and we can't stop from laughing. Your words of encouragement are far greater than we thought it would be from a 19 year old girl. You made some sense out of nothing. You spoke kind words that eased our aching hearts, filled up the gaps of longingness and gave us the space of belonging. From now on, our sentiments are yours to share. Our life are yours to live. Our hearts are yours to love. We are yours and together we are one. You proved yourself worthy of our friendship that is why you are at the beacon of our fortress. We let you in our lives without hesitations.
You brought us so much joy and inspiration so suddenly. We were caught in an overwhelming situation that we don't want to loose it. You are so important to our existence now. We are so attached to you and we don't know why. We love you so dearly and misses you every moment of evey single day. I know you got everything we said, but behind these words are feelings better left unsaid. We never expected this to happen. A friendship that is so rare and fragile that left us in state of awe.
Remember last January 20 while you were drunk and trying(don't get it wrong) to be sober, we made a pact of the sister bond. You told me you remember everything we chatted that night and was perfect and amazing though i had doubts about it. You were under the influence of Jose Cuervo, nonetheless, I believed everything you said. It was really perfect and amazing. I felt the sincerity.
I asked you once how you felt, and you told me there were no words can tell. I believed that coz i felt the same way too and neither does Pam. We are keeping you close to our heart. You will always be our little sister. We will never take you for granted. You are in our circle now.
We can't wait the day to finally meet you personally. You will be filled with hugs and DUKOLs!
I love you sik, Pam loves you too. We are happy to have you
Thanks for everything.. That's all i can think of at this very moment. Thank you and thank you.
Til here'
Love
--
ineth and pam.
I know you are reading this now... til my next posts... ciao...
completed at 2.09 pm uae
Thursday, January 22, 2009
random thoughts...just read it if you like it
I don't know how to start this post. A lot of things are on my mind. mixed feelings and mixed emotions.IF i can just think straight right now, i would be the happiest person in this world at this instant. Anyways, I will just type anything what's on running in this dumb mind. I always tell myself that I am a no brainer, i just have luck with me always. see, im confused now. my thoughts are topsyturvy... wahaha.but anyways, let me choose one topic now. FRIENDSHIP. Yes it is a good time to write about it.
I have a lot drafts saved in my blogspot account. It's because I don't know how to end it, i just write randomly. Anything that pops up, my fingers immediately press the keyboard. Thus, this is the perfect time to combine and finish what i started. But let me tell you something about me first and how i perceive what friendship really means. But hey, don't judge me, I already acknowledged my weakness and turned it into something useful and meaningful. I grew up in an insensitive family. Lost my mom, and my dad married another woman. I went to school for the sake of just going. I don't have a lot of recollection of those years before. I only remember significant moments....but not quite...still not enough. My grandmother, the most important person in my life now has taught me a lot. I somehow have her sensitivity. Though i live in an insenstive world but I was very fragile, emotionally.
I had a lot of circle of friends, but not all prospered.. As you can see, I jumped from one to another because of several shortcomings which i didn't like. You cannot blame me for it. I had very bad experiences. (but i salute to some of my classmates in high school who did not change and still love me...) Some were pretending to be my friend because they are like parasites who like to benefit from the host. Others just like the thought that we are friends because we are classmates. And there are a few who are true but for a while i ignored them. I was blinded by false pretensions and selfishness. They abused my generosity and took away the only thing that i believed in ... having true friendship. Because of those experiences, I decided to protect myself from people who might abuse the goodness in me. I always told my self, "It's overrated to care for someone too much, haven't you learned anything from your past? Why you always want to hurt yourself by opening up to them?Do they care for you like you do? Do they show importance to your existence?Aren't you tired of giving them your time when it comes to the point you don't have time for yourself anymore? Did they bother to ask what you felt when they hurt you?? Ineth, please don't overdo it, it's too much..."
nAhhh, cut the crap. I don't like anymore how this post is turning into hehe.. Anyways, change topic... I don't want to remember the past when I was not happy. I want to be happy, i deserve to be happy.
Sometimes I am flabbergasted how fate writes the chapters of your life. You can identify 2 different worlds,your world and your friend's world. How a single song can change your mood at any instant. How a word can turn the moment into a disaster. How a simple decision can change your life, forever. People come and go, you loose someone, and feel the pain. Loosing has its advantage, you rise from the ground and you will have a chance to change everything. The truth is, you may wanna go away from all of it but you just couldn't stay away.
A good friend told me, friendship is not measured by time, it is who, who stays and never leaves. Then they become nothing when the leave us. I am inspired by the words she told me. Then something hit me so hard and made me realize how stupid i was for thinking this friend(refer to this post http://merinethe.blogspot.com/2009/01/they-become-nothing-when-they-leave-us_5276.html) was True and one in a million. I was completely wrong and I was hurt. But let's not dig deeper, I am over it now. I let it go and accepted the fact that the friendship we had will never be the same again. It's so wrong to let go but it feels it is the right thing to do.
At this moment, I am still lucky to have the best persons in my life. though they are not that perfect but i love them. I dont need many people in order to survive, i just need a few. They are always in my heart and my heart beats for them.... Thanks to My pinalanggang lola Bebing, my badlongon brother este sister Fritzy, my other siblings kent and eloisa, to my bestfriend Kathy, good old friends Van, Love, Shiena,lovelyn,Teddy, Mae, Sybil, Zoe, lunica, mhia, richy, Jesebelle..(i wil update this to complete my list) long lost friend Lore.. I may not be very vocal but I love you all. You kept me going to endure this staggering pain i am feeling everyday. All i can say is thanks, Such is our friendship! Cheers!
--
ineth 2.32am UAE
I have a lot drafts saved in my blogspot account. It's because I don't know how to end it, i just write randomly. Anything that pops up, my fingers immediately press the keyboard. Thus, this is the perfect time to combine and finish what i started. But let me tell you something about me first and how i perceive what friendship really means. But hey, don't judge me, I already acknowledged my weakness and turned it into something useful and meaningful. I grew up in an insensitive family. Lost my mom, and my dad married another woman. I went to school for the sake of just going. I don't have a lot of recollection of those years before. I only remember significant moments....but not quite...still not enough. My grandmother, the most important person in my life now has taught me a lot. I somehow have her sensitivity. Though i live in an insenstive world but I was very fragile, emotionally.
I had a lot of circle of friends, but not all prospered.. As you can see, I jumped from one to another because of several shortcomings which i didn't like. You cannot blame me for it. I had very bad experiences. (but i salute to some of my classmates in high school who did not change and still love me...) Some were pretending to be my friend because they are like parasites who like to benefit from the host. Others just like the thought that we are friends because we are classmates. And there are a few who are true but for a while i ignored them. I was blinded by false pretensions and selfishness. They abused my generosity and took away the only thing that i believed in ... having true friendship. Because of those experiences, I decided to protect myself from people who might abuse the goodness in me. I always told my self, "It's overrated to care for someone too much, haven't you learned anything from your past? Why you always want to hurt yourself by opening up to them?Do they care for you like you do? Do they show importance to your existence?Aren't you tired of giving them your time when it comes to the point you don't have time for yourself anymore? Did they bother to ask what you felt when they hurt you?? Ineth, please don't overdo it, it's too much..."
nAhhh, cut the crap. I don't like anymore how this post is turning into hehe.. Anyways, change topic... I don't want to remember the past when I was not happy. I want to be happy, i deserve to be happy.
Sometimes I am flabbergasted how fate writes the chapters of your life. You can identify 2 different worlds,your world and your friend's world. How a single song can change your mood at any instant. How a word can turn the moment into a disaster. How a simple decision can change your life, forever. People come and go, you loose someone, and feel the pain. Loosing has its advantage, you rise from the ground and you will have a chance to change everything. The truth is, you may wanna go away from all of it but you just couldn't stay away.
A good friend told me, friendship is not measured by time, it is who, who stays and never leaves. Then they become nothing when the leave us. I am inspired by the words she told me. Then something hit me so hard and made me realize how stupid i was for thinking this friend(refer to this post http://merinethe.blogspot.com/2009/01/they-become-nothing-when-they-leave-us_5276.html) was True and one in a million. I was completely wrong and I was hurt. But let's not dig deeper, I am over it now. I let it go and accepted the fact that the friendship we had will never be the same again. It's so wrong to let go but it feels it is the right thing to do.
At this moment, I am still lucky to have the best persons in my life. though they are not that perfect but i love them. I dont need many people in order to survive, i just need a few. They are always in my heart and my heart beats for them.... Thanks to My pinalanggang lola Bebing, my badlongon brother este sister Fritzy, my other siblings kent and eloisa, to my bestfriend Kathy, good old friends Van, Love, Shiena,lovelyn,Teddy, Mae, Sybil, Zoe, lunica, mhia, richy, Jesebelle..(i wil update this to complete my list) long lost friend Lore.. I may not be very vocal but I love you all. You kept me going to endure this staggering pain i am feeling everyday. All i can say is thanks, Such is our friendship! Cheers!
--
ineth 2.32am UAE
Monday, January 19, 2009
No Exemption
Blogging isn't new to me. I hear this word a gazillion times in school, in my workplace or just when riding a jeepney in the Philippines before. I used to blog a lot when i was young, but i wrote it on scratch pads, notebooks or even tissues. I wished i was able to preserve its essence so that I can post it here.
I am new to online blogging and I am still learning more and more everyday. I just want to give myself a free space where i can be what i want to be and I can enjoy freewill of writing my thoughts. It is imperative to feel different emotions and yet i am afraid someone will judge me on what i've posted. We are entitled to our own opinions and sometimes that is the drawback of writing publicly. Hence, I don't care. As long as I am happy with what im doing, so what the heck! I own this space, i can do anything i want.
But some things are better kept unsaid and fall into the hands of secrecy. We are bound to loose focus on what's important because sometimes we think too much of ourselves. How about the feelings of others?are they even considered? Optimism isn't just about positive thinking. It is about seeing the brighter side of things. We are at an arena of insecurities and of judgments but it is no excuse to use it as a scapegoat. I wonder how a lot of people cry for reasons they never thought existed. Annihilating the treacherous mind of a nonbeliever thus making him vulnerable.
i had my fair share of ups and downs. A trace of my life in the past would support its existence.
I vowed not to dig too much of it, but without it I cannot fully understand what I am now. I used to tell myself that I will understand people who thinks indifferently. But now I am asking my self how? Hitting it head on or waiting for it to hit hard on your head? Oh life, such a sweet word for the mouth to utter, I beg you to show me how to deal the blast of your character so that I may be able to break the code. I will exist, i will prosper...
when we force ourselves to feel, we burst into tears.
if we cry, a part of us is free
then if we look back, we enjoy the cycle again.
I love my life and everything in it. May it be the best memories or the how-i-wished-it-did-not-happen episodes.
Others may fall short but you have the capacity to fill up the gap. Seize the day and live a life!!!
--
"without love, breath is like a clock, it ticks. -- E"
ineth 3.55am Jan 21,2009 UAE
I am new to online blogging and I am still learning more and more everyday. I just want to give myself a free space where i can be what i want to be and I can enjoy freewill of writing my thoughts. It is imperative to feel different emotions and yet i am afraid someone will judge me on what i've posted. We are entitled to our own opinions and sometimes that is the drawback of writing publicly. Hence, I don't care. As long as I am happy with what im doing, so what the heck! I own this space, i can do anything i want.
But some things are better kept unsaid and fall into the hands of secrecy. We are bound to loose focus on what's important because sometimes we think too much of ourselves. How about the feelings of others?are they even considered? Optimism isn't just about positive thinking. It is about seeing the brighter side of things. We are at an arena of insecurities and of judgments but it is no excuse to use it as a scapegoat. I wonder how a lot of people cry for reasons they never thought existed. Annihilating the treacherous mind of a nonbeliever thus making him vulnerable.
i had my fair share of ups and downs. A trace of my life in the past would support its existence.
I vowed not to dig too much of it, but without it I cannot fully understand what I am now. I used to tell myself that I will understand people who thinks indifferently. But now I am asking my self how? Hitting it head on or waiting for it to hit hard on your head? Oh life, such a sweet word for the mouth to utter, I beg you to show me how to deal the blast of your character so that I may be able to break the code. I will exist, i will prosper...
when we force ourselves to feel, we burst into tears.
if we cry, a part of us is free
then if we look back, we enjoy the cycle again.
I love my life and everything in it. May it be the best memories or the how-i-wished-it-did-not-happen episodes.
Others may fall short but you have the capacity to fill up the gap. Seize the day and live a life!!!
--
"without love, breath is like a clock, it ticks. -- E"
ineth 3.55am Jan 21,2009 UAE
They become nothing when they leave us
Why do people always leave? to the extent of not even saying goodbye. feelings indescribable are torturing me from head to toe. Why should i feel this way?just because it's how life gets back at me for being to sensitive? for caring too much to a friend? for putting a friend on my A list? and then all of the sudden, one push and i am falling from the cliff without knowing the reason why i was there in the first place.
I really abhor the feeling of being left hanging like a loose change. Yes i took the risk of being a loyal friend, a very good friend i suppose. yet did not expect to carry a huge weight of sadness when you vanished in thin air. All of the sudden, the friendship i thought carved in stone now ceased and the good memories? you took it for granted i guess.
i cared too much but what did i get? an aching heart and a wounded pride. I spent days trying to figure out what was said in the past conversation that turned everything into waste. Tried impossible ways to cultivate my memory and relive it again like a hologram,when there was you and there was me, but then most are blurry. I waited every second of everyday to hear my phone ring with your name as the caller. I talked to myself again and again that everything is okay between us. Hence, I can't stand it any longer, silence is killing me. killing me gently...
Where are you now?Haven't heard from you for 2 months? What is the reason why you're not answering back? What did i do? Are you upset? Is your phone broken? can you give me a reason please? have pity on me....
Geezzz, you tormented me like hell, you kept me thinking of so many reasons if i was at fault.
If you will ask me?
Yes i am disappointed and i am hurting...are you happy now? I was crying for an unknown reason and were you able to sleep soundly? I felt like my heart was ripped out into thousand of pieces and it's no use to stitch it back because it is totally shattered. I had no faintest idea why this happened.
I want to tell you....
I missed you so much, terribly
I missed our talks and bursts of laughter.
I missed your presence and your advices.
I missed everything our friendship HAD...
You will always be a friend to me no matter what and it sucks that I am in pain, and I hope you get this message. I will wait until you come to your senses.
As they say, people always leave, but not goodbye. "And they become nothing when leave us"
Yes they do leave, and when they do, someone will always come at a much better cause.
"u start to get hurt wen u start to care..and u start to care wen u start to love...-insik"
Time to move on and close this hurtful chapter.
I am done crying and i will put this to an end. There are a lot of reasons to be happy. Life goes on and i have to live with it.
Thank you Kathrena for sharing with me this hurtful moment. You did not leave my side and made everything easy for me. You made me realize that friendship is not measured by time. I love you and I promise not to cry for no stupid reason. Thanks again and I am keeping you close to my heart.
--
i n e t h
1.09am UAE
I really abhor the feeling of being left hanging like a loose change. Yes i took the risk of being a loyal friend, a very good friend i suppose. yet did not expect to carry a huge weight of sadness when you vanished in thin air. All of the sudden, the friendship i thought carved in stone now ceased and the good memories? you took it for granted i guess.
i cared too much but what did i get? an aching heart and a wounded pride. I spent days trying to figure out what was said in the past conversation that turned everything into waste. Tried impossible ways to cultivate my memory and relive it again like a hologram,when there was you and there was me, but then most are blurry. I waited every second of everyday to hear my phone ring with your name as the caller. I talked to myself again and again that everything is okay between us. Hence, I can't stand it any longer, silence is killing me. killing me gently...
Where are you now?Haven't heard from you for 2 months? What is the reason why you're not answering back? What did i do? Are you upset? Is your phone broken? can you give me a reason please? have pity on me....
Geezzz, you tormented me like hell, you kept me thinking of so many reasons if i was at fault.
If you will ask me?
Yes i am disappointed and i am hurting...are you happy now? I was crying for an unknown reason and were you able to sleep soundly? I felt like my heart was ripped out into thousand of pieces and it's no use to stitch it back because it is totally shattered. I had no faintest idea why this happened.
I want to tell you....
I missed you so much, terribly
I missed our talks and bursts of laughter.
I missed your presence and your advices.
I missed everything our friendship HAD...
You will always be a friend to me no matter what and it sucks that I am in pain, and I hope you get this message. I will wait until you come to your senses.
As they say, people always leave, but not goodbye. "And they become nothing when leave us"
Yes they do leave, and when they do, someone will always come at a much better cause.
"u start to get hurt wen u start to care..and u start to care wen u start to love...-insik"
Time to move on and close this hurtful chapter.
I am done crying and i will put this to an end. There are a lot of reasons to be happy. Life goes on and i have to live with it.
Thank you Kathrena for sharing with me this hurtful moment. You did not leave my side and made everything easy for me. You made me realize that friendship is not measured by time. I love you and I promise not to cry for no stupid reason. Thanks again and I am keeping you close to my heart.
--
i n e t h
1.09am UAE
Friday, January 16, 2009
Another Friday Mess
I used to love FRIDAY so much because it marks the end of the week and the beginning of lakwatsas.. a lot of lakwatsas! The day to meet old friends and acquaintances, to relieve boredom from work, studies and pressures of the days gone by. BUt now? Friday is a mess... totally ridiculous.. I got to work on this day until Saturday... i hate it.
Today is a friday and i am totally bored to the max. Working in a routined structure makes me wanna go out and shout like an idiot.
Earlier today, I was daydreaming while i was on a 45 minutes busride to my workplace. I fooled my mind by picturing views of green scenery, a blue sea stretched towards the horizon, animals of different colors may it be an insect or a dog. I imagined myself beside a trike, riding a habal habal on a bumpy road of manipis, sleeping on a dusty non-airconditioned bus bound for Toledo. It might be messy but this is what i missed, I missed my home, i missed the things ive done before, I missed the dust! And because of boredom, i was able to live it again in 3-5 minutes time. See? what the human mind can do? As what my friend insik told me on chat, "looyah sa bata.... ana ka powerful ang mind".
"What happened to the adventurous person i was before?" I asked myself while sitting reluctantly on this very uncomfortable chair. Until now, no answer.... knock knock! my mind is sleeping... go f*** urself...hahaha... just kidding. Well, there are lot of things going on my mind today. If i can just shut it down for a while or press the refresh key on the keyboard and type "I need to get a life, not soon but NOW!" without hesitations......then i will do it!
A complicated life and a totally messed up friday. All i can do is sit, look at the the clock and wait for miracles to happen. Mother of all Miracles, please grant me a miracle today, pleaseeeeeeeee. I humbly ask you.
--
ineth
Today is a friday and i am totally bored to the max. Working in a routined structure makes me wanna go out and shout like an idiot.
Earlier today, I was daydreaming while i was on a 45 minutes busride to my workplace. I fooled my mind by picturing views of green scenery, a blue sea stretched towards the horizon, animals of different colors may it be an insect or a dog. I imagined myself beside a trike, riding a habal habal on a bumpy road of manipis, sleeping on a dusty non-airconditioned bus bound for Toledo. It might be messy but this is what i missed, I missed my home, i missed the things ive done before, I missed the dust! And because of boredom, i was able to live it again in 3-5 minutes time. See? what the human mind can do? As what my friend insik told me on chat, "looyah sa bata.... ana ka powerful ang mind".
"What happened to the adventurous person i was before?" I asked myself while sitting reluctantly on this very uncomfortable chair. Until now, no answer.... knock knock! my mind is sleeping... go f*** urself...hahaha... just kidding. Well, there are lot of things going on my mind today. If i can just shut it down for a while or press the refresh key on the keyboard and type "I need to get a life, not soon but NOW!" without hesitations......then i will do it!
A complicated life and a totally messed up friday. All i can do is sit, look at the the clock and wait for miracles to happen. Mother of all Miracles, please grant me a miracle today, pleaseeeeeeeee. I humbly ask you.
--
ineth
Monday, January 12, 2009
Too much anticipation
Well, im back, my old self again. I just opened my blogspot account and viola! im creating a new post.
There were a lot of things that happened lately when 2009 started. It's already 12 days of year 2009 and the year before was quite very memorable for me. I really wish this year is intended to make me happier. So far, there were no bad memories and bad decisions that used to consume my wits. This would be my year i guess. eyyy??? yippeee. Hence, i just finished creating the fare expense for our cagayan-camiguin escapade this march. I was busy chatting to a lot of friends from elementary years and my workmates before about this trip. Updating them on the plans and asking them what they thought of it. We planned on this early last year and now, it still can't believe that it be will reality soon. I just hope the people who promised me they will come would keep their word. huhuh BUt, you know me, still being optimistic, hopes everyone gets a change to hop to an island with me.
I have been drafting this itinerary for almost two weeks now. Researching the internet, asking friends for best options and scribbling my notes. I really just want this trip to be perfect and fun not just for me but for everyone. I miss philippines so dearly and my friends too. So this is the best opportunity to bond with them through the crystal waters and the cool breeze of the country side, which in this case, camiguin is the best place.
Yesterday i sent my friends in FS this itinerary and fully added expense estimation.
Details on April 1-4 cagayan-camiguin escapade
DEPARTURE
option 1-
march 31 leave for cagayn by boat at 8pm and arrive in cagayan at 6am
option 2-
april 1 leave for cagayn by plane at 5.30am and arrive in cagayan at 6.20am
Philippine airlines 8.30am- 9.20am total with tax is 1115
Air philippines 8.30am-9.20am total with tax 1115
cebupacific 5.30am-6.20am total is 1026 plsu 151.12 tax
arrival In CAGAYAN
-- Hotel check in then breakfast
-- prepare for water rafting and Macahambus advcenture park.
-- lunch chuva ek ek
-- arrive from water rafting, rest at the hotel..
--overnight stay in cagayan... go out and explore and eat
APRIL 2 - Departure to Camiguin.
--check out hotel from cagayn in the morning. breakfast
-- go to port and head to bilanguan and take ferry to camiguin
-- Check in camiguin beach and country club and rest, free time.. explore and etc
eat eat eat
APRIL 3- Camiguin Day Tour
includes white island, chuch ruins, katibawasan falls, ardent hot spring, sto nino cold spring. and etc.
eat eat eat explore
April 4--
--morning routine eat eat
Checkout at 12pm
Head back to cagayan and take boat...or by plane
Aprl 5 abot na cebu
though this one was not sent yet----------------
FARE DETAILS estimation
Cebu- CDO by boat - 700-850 one way
CDO-Balingoan by bus -100-110 (2 hours travel time)
Balingoan-Balbagon camiguin by ferry- 110-120 (less than 2 hours travel time)
Then from balbagon, kuhaon nata sa staff sa camiguin beach and country club
Then same way inig uli nato from camiguin back to CEBU so estimated fare would be for both ways
mga 2160pesos
activities in CDO
whitewater rafting - 700
macahambus park - zipline and skybridge - 300 if naa rapelling mga 500
i still have a lot things in mind that i need to anticipate. I promised them at a minimal cost that i will shoulder the accomodation expense in CDO and camiguin so that it won't be too much for their budget. And God is so good that camiguin beach and country club offered me the best rate they have which is FAMILY room for only 1000/night and extra bed for 200php only?.. Can you believe that? whew! i thought before it was 3k-4k a night. thanks to jackyboy of istorya.net who is so kind to quote a price like that. Hmm i think, i skipped a lot of details here. There is no info about cagayan.. hehe so sorry but well here it is. April 1, i just thought so, we need to in cagayan for the rafting plus macamhambus park adventure! I really love adventures that is why this is our first stop on our itinerary. I want to feel the rush of the spurging waters, the icy cold river 'weather and the thrill of adventure. Like everything is in slow motion, you can feel your heartbeat and your body shivers but all you can think of is "what's next"
and of course most especially see the smiles on my friends' faces.
I want to try to jump from the boat to the water without any fear of drowning if its possible through the raging waters. (of course i dont know how to swim nyahaha) Well, because of human's brilliant invention of a life vest, this is just a piece of cake for me. haha, am i too boastful? tell me, tell me now.
That's it for riverrafting, I don't want to spoil the fun. let's jump off to the zipline, skybridge and rapelling. Im super excited to try this because i just love the heights! the fear that others feel is fulfillment for me. i dont know why i think it's just because I just want to test my self to go beyond my threshold. I know, i don't fear heights. period.
We will be busy also touring around CDO i guess. Ive been to CDO for like 8 times in my life but havent got a chance to take a closer look at it. So this is my time and i hope i wont get disappointed. We will just be staying overnight then head to the island of CAMIGUIN.
I don't know what really enthralled me to go to this island, there are 7107 islands in pinas if i am correct, but this island really captured my attention. There is really a mystery why Im so attached to this. I can feel its welcoming presence and absolute peace to myself. Well, It's for me to find out why and I will update you on my next post for sure. There will be a lot of posts nyahahha.
I will cut short this because it saddens me knowing it will still be on march but time is running so fast. I just really want to go home and have a life. Escape from the life here in the UAE which is slowly becoming a routine torture. The weather, the culture and the people i abhor.
I want a place to free my mind from work and the busy life, from doubts and exhaustion, from everything! almost everything.
Hope i will find the peace i find. til here, still need to do some errands. til next time, ciao.
--
ineth Jan 12,2009 6.55pm UAE
There were a lot of things that happened lately when 2009 started. It's already 12 days of year 2009 and the year before was quite very memorable for me. I really wish this year is intended to make me happier. So far, there were no bad memories and bad decisions that used to consume my wits. This would be my year i guess. eyyy??? yippeee. Hence, i just finished creating the fare expense for our cagayan-camiguin escapade this march. I was busy chatting to a lot of friends from elementary years and my workmates before about this trip. Updating them on the plans and asking them what they thought of it. We planned on this early last year and now, it still can't believe that it be will reality soon. I just hope the people who promised me they will come would keep their word. huhuh BUt, you know me, still being optimistic, hopes everyone gets a change to hop to an island with me.
I have been drafting this itinerary for almost two weeks now. Researching the internet, asking friends for best options and scribbling my notes. I really just want this trip to be perfect and fun not just for me but for everyone. I miss philippines so dearly and my friends too. So this is the best opportunity to bond with them through the crystal waters and the cool breeze of the country side, which in this case, camiguin is the best place.
Yesterday i sent my friends in FS this itinerary and fully added expense estimation.
Details on April 1-4 cagayan-camiguin escapade
DEPARTURE
option 1-
march 31 leave for cagayn by boat at 8pm and arrive in cagayan at 6am
option 2-
april 1 leave for cagayn by plane at 5.30am and arrive in cagayan at 6.20am
Philippine airlines 8.30am- 9.20am total with tax is 1115
Air philippines 8.30am-9.20am total with tax 1115
cebupacific 5.30am-6.20am total is 1026 plsu 151.12 tax
arrival In CAGAYAN
-- Hotel check in then breakfast
-- prepare for water rafting and Macahambus advcenture park.
-- lunch chuva ek ek
-- arrive from water rafting, rest at the hotel..
--overnight stay in cagayan... go out and explore and eat
APRIL 2 - Departure to Camiguin.
--check out hotel from cagayn in the morning. breakfast
-- go to port and head to bilanguan and take ferry to camiguin
-- Check in camiguin beach and country club and rest, free time.. explore and etc
eat eat eat
APRIL 3- Camiguin Day Tour
includes white island, chuch ruins, katibawasan falls, ardent hot spring, sto nino cold spring. and etc.
eat eat eat explore
April 4--
--morning routine eat eat
Checkout at 12pm
Head back to cagayan and take boat...or by plane
Aprl 5 abot na cebu
though this one was not sent yet----------------
FARE DETAILS estimation
Cebu- CDO by boat - 700-850 one way
CDO-Balingoan by bus -100-110 (2 hours travel time)
Balingoan-Balbagon camiguin by ferry- 110-120 (less than 2 hours travel time)
Then from balbagon, kuhaon nata sa staff sa camiguin beach and country club
Then same way inig uli nato from camiguin back to CEBU so estimated fare would be for both ways
mga 2160pesos
activities in CDO
whitewater rafting - 700
macahambus park - zipline and skybridge - 300 if naa rapelling mga 500
i still have a lot things in mind that i need to anticipate. I promised them at a minimal cost that i will shoulder the accomodation expense in CDO and camiguin so that it won't be too much for their budget. And God is so good that camiguin beach and country club offered me the best rate they have which is FAMILY room for only 1000/night and extra bed for 200php only?.. Can you believe that? whew! i thought before it was 3k-4k a night. thanks to jackyboy of istorya.net who is so kind to quote a price like that. Hmm i think, i skipped a lot of details here. There is no info about cagayan.. hehe so sorry but well here it is. April 1, i just thought so, we need to in cagayan for the rafting plus macamhambus park adventure! I really love adventures that is why this is our first stop on our itinerary. I want to feel the rush of the spurging waters, the icy cold river 'weather and the thrill of adventure. Like everything is in slow motion, you can feel your heartbeat and your body shivers but all you can think of is "what's next"
and of course most especially see the smiles on my friends' faces.
I want to try to jump from the boat to the water without any fear of drowning if its possible through the raging waters. (of course i dont know how to swim nyahaha) Well, because of human's brilliant invention of a life vest, this is just a piece of cake for me. haha, am i too boastful? tell me, tell me now.
That's it for riverrafting, I don't want to spoil the fun. let's jump off to the zipline, skybridge and rapelling. Im super excited to try this because i just love the heights! the fear that others feel is fulfillment for me. i dont know why i think it's just because I just want to test my self to go beyond my threshold. I know, i don't fear heights. period.
We will be busy also touring around CDO i guess. Ive been to CDO for like 8 times in my life but havent got a chance to take a closer look at it. So this is my time and i hope i wont get disappointed. We will just be staying overnight then head to the island of CAMIGUIN.
I don't know what really enthralled me to go to this island, there are 7107 islands in pinas if i am correct, but this island really captured my attention. There is really a mystery why Im so attached to this. I can feel its welcoming presence and absolute peace to myself. Well, It's for me to find out why and I will update you on my next post for sure. There will be a lot of posts nyahahha.
I will cut short this because it saddens me knowing it will still be on march but time is running so fast. I just really want to go home and have a life. Escape from the life here in the UAE which is slowly becoming a routine torture. The weather, the culture and the people i abhor.
I want a place to free my mind from work and the busy life, from doubts and exhaustion, from everything! almost everything.
Hope i will find the peace i find. til here, still need to do some errands. til next time, ciao.
--
ineth Jan 12,2009 6.55pm UAE
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
i've posted this way back years ago... i just saw it today and mind if i share it? hehe.. ill be posting soon about what happened to me the past weeks...
When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that they are those who: instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate us not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.Can you give me your insights about this?
this was written last Wednesday, December 20, 2006
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