Monday, January 19, 2009

They become nothing when they leave us

Why do people always leave? to the extent of not even saying goodbye. feelings indescribable are torturing me from head to toe. Why should i feel this way?just because it's how life gets back at me for being to sensitive? for caring too much to a friend? for putting a friend on my A list? and then all of the sudden, one push and i am falling from the cliff without knowing the reason why i was there in the first place.

I really abhor the feeling of being left hanging like a loose change. Yes i took the risk of being a loyal friend, a very good friend i suppose. yet did not expect to carry a huge weight of sadness when you vanished in thin air. All of the sudden, the friendship i thought carved in stone now ceased and the good memories? you took it for granted i guess.

i cared too much but what did i get? an aching heart and a wounded pride. I spent days trying to figure out what was said in the past conversation that turned everything into waste. Tried impossible ways to cultivate my memory and relive it again like a hologram,when there was you and there was me, but then most are blurry. I waited every second of everyday to hear my phone ring with your name as the caller. I talked to myself again and again that everything is okay between us. Hence, I can't stand it any longer, silence is killing me. killing me gently...

Where are you now?Haven't heard from you for 2 months? What is the reason why you're not answering back? What did i do? Are you upset? Is your phone broken? can you give me a reason please? have pity on me....
Geezzz, you tormented me like hell, you kept me thinking of so many reasons if i was at fault.

If you will ask me?
Yes i am disappointed and i am hurting...are you happy now? I was crying for an unknown reason and were you able to sleep soundly? I felt like my heart was ripped out into thousand of pieces and it's no use to stitch it back because it is totally shattered. I had no faintest idea why this happened.

I want to tell you....
I missed you so much, terribly
I missed our talks and bursts of laughter.
I missed your presence and your advices.
I missed everything our friendship HAD...
You will always be a friend to me no matter what and it sucks that I am in pain, and I hope you get this message. I will wait until you come to your senses.

As they say, people always leave, but not goodbye. "And they become nothing when leave us"

Yes they do leave, and when they do, someone will always come at a much better cause.

"u start to get hurt wen u start to care..and u start to care wen u start to love...-insik"
Time to move on and close this hurtful chapter.

I am done crying and i will put this to an end. There are a lot of reasons to be happy. Life goes on and i have to live with it.
Thank you Kathrena for sharing with me this hurtful moment. You did not leave my side and made everything easy for me. You made me realize that friendship is not measured by time. I love you and I promise not to cry for no stupid reason. Thanks again and I am keeping you close to my heart.

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i n e t h
1.09am UAE

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