I don't know how to start this post. A lot of things are on my mind. mixed feelings and mixed emotions.IF i can just think straight right now, i would be the happiest person in this world at this instant. Anyways, I will just type anything what's on running in this dumb mind. I always tell myself that I am a no brainer, i just have luck with me always. see, im confused now. my thoughts are topsyturvy... wahaha.but anyways, let me choose one topic now. FRIENDSHIP. Yes it is a good time to write about it.
I have a lot drafts saved in my blogspot account. It's because I don't know how to end it, i just write randomly. Anything that pops up, my fingers immediately press the keyboard. Thus, this is the perfect time to combine and finish what i started. But let me tell you something about me first and how i perceive what friendship really means. But hey, don't judge me, I already acknowledged my weakness and turned it into something useful and meaningful. I grew up in an insensitive family. Lost my mom, and my dad married another woman. I went to school for the sake of just going. I don't have a lot of recollection of those years before. I only remember significant moments....but not quite...still not enough. My grandmother, the most important person in my life now has taught me a lot. I somehow have her sensitivity. Though i live in an insenstive world but I was very fragile, emotionally.
I had a lot of circle of friends, but not all prospered.. As you can see, I jumped from one to another because of several shortcomings which i didn't like. You cannot blame me for it. I had very bad experiences. (but i salute to some of my classmates in high school who did not change and still love me...) Some were pretending to be my friend because they are like parasites who like to benefit from the host. Others just like the thought that we are friends because we are classmates. And there are a few who are true but for a while i ignored them. I was blinded by false pretensions and selfishness. They abused my generosity and took away the only thing that i believed in ... having true friendship. Because of those experiences, I decided to protect myself from people who might abuse the goodness in me. I always told my self, "It's overrated to care for someone too much, haven't you learned anything from your past? Why you always want to hurt yourself by opening up to them?Do they care for you like you do? Do they show importance to your existence?Aren't you tired of giving them your time when it comes to the point you don't have time for yourself anymore? Did they bother to ask what you felt when they hurt you?? Ineth, please don't overdo it, it's too much..."
nAhhh, cut the crap. I don't like anymore how this post is turning into hehe.. Anyways, change topic... I don't want to remember the past when I was not happy. I want to be happy, i deserve to be happy.
Sometimes I am flabbergasted how fate writes the chapters of your life. You can identify 2 different worlds,your world and your friend's world. How a single song can change your mood at any instant. How a word can turn the moment into a disaster. How a simple decision can change your life, forever. People come and go, you loose someone, and feel the pain. Loosing has its advantage, you rise from the ground and you will have a chance to change everything. The truth is, you may wanna go away from all of it but you just couldn't stay away.
A good friend told me, friendship is not measured by time, it is who, who stays and never leaves. Then they become nothing when the leave us. I am inspired by the words she told me. Then something hit me so hard and made me realize how stupid i was for thinking this friend(refer to this post http://merinethe.blogspot.com/2009/01/they-become-nothing-when-they-leave-us_5276.html) was True and one in a million. I was completely wrong and I was hurt. But let's not dig deeper, I am over it now. I let it go and accepted the fact that the friendship we had will never be the same again. It's so wrong to let go but it feels it is the right thing to do.
At this moment, I am still lucky to have the best persons in my life. though they are not that perfect but i love them. I dont need many people in order to survive, i just need a few. They are always in my heart and my heart beats for them.... Thanks to My pinalanggang lola Bebing, my badlongon brother este sister Fritzy, my other siblings kent and eloisa, to my bestfriend Kathy, good old friends Van, Love, Shiena,lovelyn,Teddy, Mae, Sybil, Zoe, lunica, mhia, richy, Jesebelle..(i wil update this to complete my list) long lost friend Lore.. I may not be very vocal but I love you all. You kept me going to endure this staggering pain i am feeling everyday. All i can say is thanks, Such is our friendship! Cheers!
--
ineth 2.32am UAE
I have a lot drafts saved in my blogspot account. It's because I don't know how to end it, i just write randomly. Anything that pops up, my fingers immediately press the keyboard. Thus, this is the perfect time to combine and finish what i started. But let me tell you something about me first and how i perceive what friendship really means. But hey, don't judge me, I already acknowledged my weakness and turned it into something useful and meaningful. I grew up in an insensitive family. Lost my mom, and my dad married another woman. I went to school for the sake of just going. I don't have a lot of recollection of those years before. I only remember significant moments....but not quite...still not enough. My grandmother, the most important person in my life now has taught me a lot. I somehow have her sensitivity. Though i live in an insenstive world but I was very fragile, emotionally.
I had a lot of circle of friends, but not all prospered.. As you can see, I jumped from one to another because of several shortcomings which i didn't like. You cannot blame me for it. I had very bad experiences. (but i salute to some of my classmates in high school who did not change and still love me...) Some were pretending to be my friend because they are like parasites who like to benefit from the host. Others just like the thought that we are friends because we are classmates. And there are a few who are true but for a while i ignored them. I was blinded by false pretensions and selfishness. They abused my generosity and took away the only thing that i believed in ... having true friendship. Because of those experiences, I decided to protect myself from people who might abuse the goodness in me. I always told my self, "It's overrated to care for someone too much, haven't you learned anything from your past? Why you always want to hurt yourself by opening up to them?Do they care for you like you do? Do they show importance to your existence?Aren't you tired of giving them your time when it comes to the point you don't have time for yourself anymore? Did they bother to ask what you felt when they hurt you?? Ineth, please don't overdo it, it's too much..."
nAhhh, cut the crap. I don't like anymore how this post is turning into hehe.. Anyways, change topic... I don't want to remember the past when I was not happy. I want to be happy, i deserve to be happy.
Sometimes I am flabbergasted how fate writes the chapters of your life. You can identify 2 different worlds,your world and your friend's world. How a single song can change your mood at any instant. How a word can turn the moment into a disaster. How a simple decision can change your life, forever. People come and go, you loose someone, and feel the pain. Loosing has its advantage, you rise from the ground and you will have a chance to change everything. The truth is, you may wanna go away from all of it but you just couldn't stay away.
A good friend told me, friendship is not measured by time, it is who, who stays and never leaves. Then they become nothing when the leave us. I am inspired by the words she told me. Then something hit me so hard and made me realize how stupid i was for thinking this friend(refer to this post http://merinethe.blogspot.com/2009/01/they-become-nothing-when-they-leave-us_5276.html) was True and one in a million. I was completely wrong and I was hurt. But let's not dig deeper, I am over it now. I let it go and accepted the fact that the friendship we had will never be the same again. It's so wrong to let go but it feels it is the right thing to do.
At this moment, I am still lucky to have the best persons in my life. though they are not that perfect but i love them. I dont need many people in order to survive, i just need a few. They are always in my heart and my heart beats for them.... Thanks to My pinalanggang lola Bebing, my badlongon brother este sister Fritzy, my other siblings kent and eloisa, to my bestfriend Kathy, good old friends Van, Love, Shiena,lovelyn,Teddy, Mae, Sybil, Zoe, lunica, mhia, richy, Jesebelle..(i wil update this to complete my list) long lost friend Lore.. I may not be very vocal but I love you all. You kept me going to endure this staggering pain i am feeling everyday. All i can say is thanks, Such is our friendship! Cheers!
--
ineth 2.32am UAE
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