This is to remind me that today, I am lonely

oh here i am again, getting ready to get this post done and i promise it would be a short one. I just got nothing to do today that i kept on listening to Evan and Jarod's The Distance over and over again for the Nth time. I really like the song for its simplicity, and the lyrics. The words really match the feelings I have today. I miss a lot of people who really matters to me. I haven't recovered yet from a less than a month stay vacation in the Philippines. Memories are still very fresh and they keep on playing over and over again. Sometimes, I can feel that I am crying while sleeping. When I wake up, I close my eyes for a minute and wished that when i will open my eyes I'll see the familiar faces, but then again I am disappointed. I always see this very boring ceiling. Sigh! I long for the smiles and laughter, the food ,the weather, the friends and family and everything that serves my memory right. Distance is the thing i hate today. It just hurts so bad that I am here while my thoughts are everywhere. I need to recover from this homesickness... I misssssssssssss them all.I miss them....allllll... If there is a word that describes it, then that is what i am feeling..

So that I wouldn't get bored, I went into a cleaning marathon spree....I just cleaned the entire flat, brushed the sink, mopped the floor, cleand the dishes, washed the clothes and a lot more.I got tired, felt dizzy so i decided to have a break. I also watched smallville, greys anatomy and supernatural. It helped me for a while but when i sat down and took a look at my laptop, i saw some pictures, everything went back again. Like flashes of memories playing the tune on my mind randomly. All I know is that i miss them and i love them soooo much and waiting for next year will be a long wait. I am not being impatient but it is soooooooo long to count. But I need to focus and motivate myself.... I need to tell myself it wouldn't be long...I will see them all again... again...at the right time. sigh...

To remind myself of how important it is to value such memories, i decided to post this short blog. This is to remind me that today, May 16, I am lonely and I badly wished I am in Cebu, be with the people I love.
This post is dedicated to several wonderful persons. my bestfriends Kathy, to my family lola, bajep,kent eloisa, to my cousins,aunts and uncles, to my new family, the agudera family, to Meme, Dadad, Gwendy, Fitz, Tiya, Manoy and etc, to my ate Lore, te anj and baby gee of course, to the batos, Nikki, Kenji, Tiklah, Blants. I want to thank you for the memories we've shared. It keeps me alive and inspire me to do more good to the world. I hope by my simple act of kindness, I was able to impart a part of INETH to you. I love you and missing you terribly. I will be okay soon...Time will heal me...

Hurt

Hurt is the pain that eats away my heart and makes me see the real world through a filter of truth. The truth blinded by unseen obstacles of deception and greed. Hurt is being a part of something that forgets you. You forget yourself for others because of fear. Hurt is being taken for granted by a friend. Hurt is being afraid of the person you thought you could trust, you gave your heart and they break it into pieces. Hurt is having to wonder what might have been if pride didn't win. Hurt is betrayal and jealousy studded with doubt and fear of loosing. Hurt is seeing your face on a mirror in pain. Hurt is misplacing your trust. It is unreliable love and the absence of love, the confusion about whether or not love really exists.

It is constantly feeling inadequate even when you know you're more deserving and you are blamed for something you didn't do. Hurt is knowing that your best isn't good enough and knowing that you have more than you really need and knowing that you wouldn't feel better even if you gave it all away. Hurt is the harsh word in response to a friendly gesture, the failure to acknowledge a favor, the injustice that goes unnoticed. Hurt is the inability to communicate. HUrt is being a puppet to someone who controls everything you have. Hurt is not being able to defend oneself, it is mute, not being able to say what really hurts. Hurt is staying at some point you wished it never existed
Hurt is the question that has no answer and the answer to a question that will never be asked.
Hurt is happiness taken away intentionally leaving me with less than enough of what i need. The kind of Happiness that only happens once in a lifetime. Hurt is the closeness tainted with too much pain and pride, too strangled to let go.

Hurt will be the thing in the past I don't want it.

Do I ever get tired of this? Yes I am tired!
I really abhor people wearing masks.my nerves are on a high today. They tend to appear very kind on the outside but on the inside they creep me out.

Stop hurting me... so that I can stop saving what's left behind. Hurt is you... And I am quitting you.

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This is goodbye to the hurtful past that i am referring to. I need to have a new life,and a new ME. This is just the beginning.